


Fix You

by gpachance



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tokio Hotel
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 07:02:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1679090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gpachance/pseuds/gpachance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam is at the height of his career when he is struck down by tragedy. With hope fading he encounters a young nurse with healing hands who is willing to do everything in his power to restore him back to what he used to be. But Bill Kaulitz is not a miracle worker. Will he be able to help Adam build his life again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tragedy

“Adam you’re on in 10 minutes.”

The 32 year old man nodded and glanced into his pocket mirror to check his hair one more time. His hair stylist did a good job, hiding the auburn roots. During his hiatus he had let himself go. He stopped dying his hair, stopped the trips the spa, everything. Come on, he was depressed! His last album flopped, there was no tour, and he split with his boyfriend…his life went to hell. But then Tommy Joe, his best friend (with benefits but that had been a secret between the two of them), helped pull him out of the slump and pushed him back into the studio. They worked tirelessly for a year and finally produced something marvelous. Tonight, he was performing his third show on tour. It was going to feel good going on stage and doing what he loved best.

“Hey…take it easy out there, okay?”

Adam rolled his eyes and looked at his doctor over his shoulder, “Will you chillax man? I’m trying to prepare.”

“There is nothing I would rather do then to “chillax” as you put it, Adam. But I can’t stress enough how much you need to remain as neutral as possible. Last time you-“

“Last time I got a little dehydrated, okay? Don’t worry about me. I got this covered.”

Adam had been experiencing some health issues that he blamed on his wild lifestyle that he endured for the last two years. Too much booze, too much sex with the wrong people, and too much unhealthy living. The dizzy spells and the headaches was merely the past catching up with him.

The 40-something year old doctor watched Adam for a few moments before he handed the younger man his jacket. “Just slow down if you start feeling dizzy. Take a break and drink some water. Just do something,” he clamped his hand down on Adam’s shoulder. “I wish you would take this more seriously.”

“Yeah and I wish you would remember that I hired you to take care of us if anyone gets sick or hurt. Not to smother me.”

The doctor shook his head and sighed. “Fine, Adam. But you can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Nope,” Adam said as he shrugged on his jacket. He caught the reflection of the doctor’s expression in the mirror, looked back, and grinned. “I’m sorry Jerry. I know you’re just trying to look out for me. But believe me I am fine. Pumped, in fact!”

Jerry smiled. “It’s alright, Adam. Go do your thing and do it well.”

Adam returned the smile as heard his announcement on stage. “Duty calls. This show is going to be a killer! Wait and see!”

Speaking those last words, Adam flew out on stage in excitement. Applause and encouraging cheers rang in his ears all around him. Fans were holding up signs that read ‘Welcome back Adam’ and ‘We love you Adam’ while others took pictures; the flashes nearly blinding him. Adam picked up the microphone, gave his band the signal to start, and then began to sing. He made it through his first song and bowed at the end. The second one was even better. He gave the audience a bit of banter before starting his third one. By then he was sweating buckets and had to wipe his face with the towel he had tucked in his back pocket. When he picked up a bottle of water to take a drink, he noticed his hands were shaking. He drank half of the water and then threw the bottle into the crowd for the fans to scramble over. He coughed a bit and put the mic to his lips, “This next song is a bit shady. Okay it IS shady!” Fans screamed. Louder than usual, it seemed. Why couldn’t the light guy get the spotlight right? It was RIGHT in his eyes.

“Baby I'm on the hunt…Baby I've got my target on you…Trouble, that's what I want…And I'm gonna do just what I have to…Get your ass down to the front…Go on and pull it out, I dare you…” Adam stumbled and fell to one knee. He managed to get up quickly and said, “Sorry I’m kinda drunk!” Everyone laughed including Adam. “But did you just say…your game was brand new…” Adam looked back at Tommy whose eyes were round with concern. “Sorry,” Adam mouthed. The blonde exchanged looks with Ashly. Adam had to pull it together. Damn, that light dude was getting hell after the show. His eyes burned.

“No I ain't broken but I, I need a fix…That satisfaction when I, I get my kicks…”

More sweat. Adam pushed the dampness into his hair. He finished and moved onto the chorus.

“Come on and take me underground…Deep under the street…Come on and take me, take me down…The freaks like us can meet…Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up, turn it way up…” Oh god the pain in his head was unbearable. But he had to finish.

“Don't stop the beat…”

He dropped the mic. Adam bent to pick it up. But then he fell.

He laid on the stage while the music was playing; the lights were swaying and meshing together. His head throbbed. He had his hand on the mic. Why did they stop playing?

Then again, why was his arm numb? Oh hi Tommy. He’s looking down at Adam. His words are mumbled. “What?” Adam said but his words came out funny. Who was screaming? Adam watched security try to control the crowds who tried to rush the stage.

Jerry was sitting next to Tommy. “Adam? Adam can you hear me? Squeeze my hand Adam!”

Adam tried but he couldn’t grip the doctor’s hand. He asked Adam to smile. Well that was easy. Adam could always smile. But when he tried he watched Tommy shake his head and…was he crying?

He was so tired. Oh man he was tired. He felt himself being lifted into the air. That’s when he knew he was going to die. He tried to talk but someone put a mask over his face. Adam felt himself begin to move. He felt cold air all around him. He was glad the light guy fixed the spotlight. But it looked more like stars. Was he outside? He didn’t care. He felt himself slip away…

**

“Patient in 313 wants another dilaudid.”

Bill Kaulitz heard the nurse’s aide but shook his head as he continued to type up the report he was working on. “She has already had one at 4 o’clock today. Tell her she can have two Tylenols instead.”

He heard the girl sigh and glanced up at her. “Go on now, be brave. What’s the worst she can do?”

The blonde girl smirked. “Throw her ginger ale at me. Or worse. She dumped her urinal out last night.”

Bill chuckled and went back to his report. “That means she is getting well and we can move her to a regular room. Just keep your distance from her. Tell her what I said and then just walk out.”

The girl gave Bill another look and said, “Okay, fine. By the way you got a new admit.” She handed him the file and Bill took it while typing with one hand. He laid it next to the keyboard and finished up his report. Glancing at the clock, he silently cursed knowing that he now was not going to be able to clock out and go home on time.

Bill opened the file and read the report. His eyes glanced over at the patients name and he rolled his eyes. Another celebrity. But then what could he expect when he worked as an ICU charge nurse in the biggest hospital in LA?

Bill took a sip of his coffee as he put the file in its appropriate place. Might as well get started but first he needed a refill. He spotted Natalie over at the water cooler and waved his travelers mug at her. She rolled her eyes and walked over to him. Taking his mug from him she said, “And what’s the reason why you can’t refill this yourself this time, Billi Boy?”

Bill laughed at the nickname Natalie had called him for years. “I have a new admit. I’m staying over to take care of it.”

Natalie sighed. “Bill why can’t you get one of the other girls to do it? Go home. You’ve been here 12 hours.”

Bill shook his head. “I’m shooting for overtime. Tom and I could use the money.”

“Tell that brother of yours to get a real job. You work enough to for both you and his lazy-“

“First of all, my friend, Tom HAS a real job.”

Natalie picked up Bill's mug. “Yeah playing guitar for some lame ass blues band that’s not going anywhere.”

“Hey, they’ve done really well AND they pay well. Decent, anyways. We’re still alive aren’t we?”

Natalie rolled her eyes and began to make her way to the break room. “Whatever you want to call it, Kaulitz. Cream and sugar?”

“And hazelnut flavoring. With a little French vanilla, please?”

“You are so GAY!”

“You just now figured that out, hotshot? After all these years?" Bill called back as he began to walk to the patient’s room. Fucking Natalie, man. She was a tough girl and a hell of a nurse. He never really liked his best friend working under him, but he was glad she transferred up to ICU from the Emergency room. She made him laugh on the days that he really needed to. Bill pulled the chart out of the plastic box next to the patients door and walked into the room labeled ‘Lambert, A.’

Bill knew who he was. He wasn’t much of a fan of the singer with the arrogant way he had upon himself. But he liked his style and his voice wasn’t half bad either. What the hell was he in here for again? Bill glanced at the chart and raised his brows at the diagnosis. Hemorrhagic Stroke. Jesus the guy was only 32! Bill took his eyes off the chart and glanced at the man lying on the hospital bed. He was so tall his feet were pushing against the end of the bed. Apparently he wasn’t breathing on his own yet because he was attached to a ventilator. His entire head was wrapped in gauze because the neurosurgeon was ON it having already clipped and coiled the aneurism. Bill checked his IV’s and made a note on the chart of Adam’s current vitals. He had to remember to get the night nurse to check his suture the next day. Poor guy. Whoever started his IV’s kept missing his veins because both of his arms were starting to bruise. Bill put down the chart, reached over, and gently begin pealing the tape off the singers eyelids. He took his finger and smoothed the skin. He had the longest, thickest eyelashes that Bill had ever seen. Bill reached down and pulled Adam’s hospital johnny up and over his chest as it rose up and down under the sheets. He brushed his hair from his face. Adam was quite beautiful.

“Bill?”

Startled, Bill turned towards the voice at the door. Natalie was leaning against the door frame, still holding Bill’s coffee mug. She nodded in the direction of the patient. “His family is here. I told them you’d be out to talk to them when you’re finished.”

Bill nodded and picked up the chart. “I’m through. I put some notes in here for the night nurse to look at.” Bill traded Natalie the chart for his coffee, took a sip, and headed out to the waiting room. Four people sat close together on a long couch. A woman, who Bill assumed was Adam’s mother, sat wiping her eyes with a tissue. They all looked up at the same time when Bill entered the room. Giving the woman a sympathetic smile, Bill reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of his own tissues. “Here,” he said handing them to her, “These are softer and won’t chaff your skin.”

The woman took the tissues and tearfully thanked him. She grasped the hand of a younger male with black curls sitting next to her. Another older man with red hair sat on the other side of her rubbing her arm. His eyes were full of pain. The blonde sitting cross-legged at the end of the couch was staring down at his hands; a grey hoodie pulled up around his head. Bill recognized him as Tommy Joe. He watched him pick at the skin of his index finger and Bill handed him a Styrofoam cup that was sitting empty on the magazine table. “Here, use this instead.” Tommy glanced up at Bill for a second and started pealing the top half of the cup in little strips.

Bill pulled up a chair and sat down in front of the family. “My name is Bill Kaulitz and I’m the charge nurse here in ICU.” He filled the family in with the details about Adam’s massive stroke, the surgery he had just had and how it would help, and what to expect in the next few days. “Adam is in a coma right now but it’s induced. Trust me it will help his brain to heal. His vitals are looking good but his blood pressure is much too high. We have him on constant medication to help bring it down.” He told them that the next 24 hours would be touch and go but he had high hopes. He was almost positive that Adam would wake up within a couple of days if not less. “Any questions?”

“Will he be able to sing again?” Tommy Joe asked while still unspiraling the cup.

“It’s too soon to tell, sir.” Bill answered, “He will need intensive therapy.”

“How long will it take?” The older man, Bill presumed was Adam’s father, asked.

“Weeks. Possibly months. If he gets the right treatment he needs, I have no doubt that he will bounce right back up to where he was. But it’s going to take time and patience on his and your part.” He looked at the whole family as he continued to explain Adam’s condition and treatment plan. Finally Adam’s mother asked if they could see him.

Bill nodded. “One at a time, please, and only for a few minutes. You can talk to him. It’s a known fact that the comatose can hear every word you say.”

Adam’s mother went first. Bill sipped his coffee and watched from the desk as the woman clasped a hand to her mouth and began to sob. She bent and kissed Adam on the cheek while talking to him. The younger man who Bill learned was Adam’s brother only stayed a couple of minutes. He looked angry as he walked out and let his father go in after him. Finally Tommy Joe went in last. He stayed longer than any of the other family members. He sat down and held Adam’s hand. He kissed it a couple of times and looked as though he was telling a story. Finally, Adam’s mother approached Bill who had sat down at his computer again. “Mr. Kaulitz?”

Bill was sipping his coffee. He sent down the mug and smiled, “Please call me Bill.”

“Bill…is it alright if I stay here? I don’t want to leave my son alone.”

“Absolutely! Let me find you some blankets and a pillow. You can stay in the waiting room.”

Bill rushed off and found the softest pillow he could dig up and a couple of scratchy blankets. They weren’t that comfortable but they would have to do. When he returned to the waiting room, he found the blonde curled up on a couch in a corner already snoring away. He handed Adam’s mother the pillow and blankets. “I see you’re going to have company.”

The woman glanced over at Tommy Joe and smiled. “I couldn’t make him leave. He has been so upset.”

“It’s perfectly fine. You need the support too. I’m glad he’s staying here with you.”

Adam’s mother nodded and took one of the blankets over to Tommy. She covered him with the same tenderness that she had shown her sick son. She walked over to Bill and touched his arm. “Thank you for being so kind, Bill.”

Bill smiled. “Just doing my job, madam.”

The woman smiled. “Please, call me Leila.”

Bill nodded. “Have a pleasant sleep, Leila.” He said and closed the door behind him.

Bill filled out his next report on the new patient and drained his coffee cup. He took it to the employee lounge, rinsed it out, put it in the cupboards reserved for the nurses, and made his way to the time clock. It felt good to finally punch out. Maybe he would take a personal day tomorrow and go listen to his brother practice. Besides he had already worked 40 hours that week. Didn’t he deserve a little vacay?

Bill thought of this on his way home. He drove through the gated community and kept his music low since it was already past 2am. He unlocked the front door to the massive house he and his twin brother shared and threw his keys on the small table they kept near the door. There was no barking in the house so Tom must have put the dogs in their outdoor kennels. Bill rooted around in the refrigerator until he found some leftover Chinese take-out. He ate it cold out of the carton and chucked it into the recycling bin for cardboard. Bill made his way upstairs and into the bathroom for a nice hot shower. He always needed to take the hospital smell off of him before going to bed. Rinsing his hair out, he noticed that Tom used the last bit of Bill’s mint conditioner. Damn him! He was always using HIS things instead of buying himself a bottle. Oh well. Bill dried off and pulled on a fresh, clean pair of boxer briefs and a clean white T-shirt.

Bill opened the bedroom door and stepped over Tom’s skateboard. The boys were 23 but Tom still left his “toys” around like he was still in grammar school. Bill’s older twin brother laid on the top bunk of their beds with his arm dangling down snoring into his pillow. Bill gently moved his brother’s arm up and placed it gently on the mattress without disturbing his brother. He climbed into bed and pulled the covers up.

The image of the popular singer lying in the hospital bed penetrated Bill’s thoughts as he tried to fall asleep. It was weird because Bill always checked himself at the door and never brought his work home. But for some reason he couldn’t put Adam Lambert out of his mind.

There was something about him. Something Bill couldn’t place his finger on. Something…special?

Bill yawned and turned over on his side.

He would think about it tomorrow.


	2. Coming out

"Where am I? I am floating in a dark place. I hear voices and one of them sounds like my moms. She's singing that old song that would help me fall asleep as a kid. What was it called? Something about a moon...God bless the moon and God bless me...something like that. Am I alive? Or dead? Is this where you go when you die? Like purgatory? I feel warm. I'm drifting away. It's getting dark now. Darker..."

Bill withdrew the syringe and clipped the tube from the IV back in its lace on Adams arm. Bill turned and grinned at Leila who was standing beside him staring down at her son. "This is a good sign that he is coming out the coma.

Leila began to shred the tissue that she held in her hands. "But he was shaking so hard."

Adam still hadn't opened his eyes according to the report that Bill had been reading before was summoned to Adam's room. The older man's body was shaking hard and making strange grunting noises. Bill knew exactly what it was and he injected him with medicine that would calm him down.

Bill placed a comforting hand on Leila's shoulder. "Trust me Leila. It's normal. Adam is strong and the healthy part of his brain is telling him to fight and that's exactly what he is doing."

A flicker of hope appeared in the woman’s eyes. She sighed and sniffled, putting the tissue to her nose. She looked at Bill and said, "You have been so kind to us. Bringing those blankets...and the food you have brought was so delicious."

Bill smiled. "It was not a problem at all."

"Well we will never forget it."

Bill nodded and led her out the door so they could let Adam get some rest. He stopped at the desk to pick up another folder for another admit. A car accident victim. Drunk and unconscious. Great. He was in for another long day.

"Mr. Kaulitz?"

Bill looked up to see Tommy standing in front of him. He greeted him and asked what he could do for him.

Tommy looked awful. His platinum blonde hair was disheveled. His brown eyes listless with dark circles beneath them. He looked as though he hadn't shaved in days. "I um...I wanted to ask if your brother would be available for this gig I have to show up at in a couple of days. I want to stay here as long as I can but I have to do this gig. I can't afford to miss any more work and-" Tommy was getting worked up and Bill watched as tears began to wobble in his eyes.

Tommy reached out and touched Tommy's shoulder. "It's okay Tommy I understand. Why don't you leave me your phone number and I'll ask my brother as soon as I see him. I'm sure he will be happy to help you out."

Tommy grinned and thanked him. "I heard he is really good."

"He is the best! Go get some rest, Tommy. Adam is doing great and I'll call you if there are any changes."

Tommy nodded, thanked him again, and left.

**

"So how is business?"

Bill shrugged as he took a bite of his food. "Business as usual."

Bill and his twin brother were finally able to find time to go out to lunch. Bill was still in his scrub pants from after just leaving the hospital. He had only done a four hour shift to cover for one of his nurses and then he wanted to stay for when Adam was finally removed from the ventilator. He himself had held the pink plastic basin under Adam's chin as the older man coughed and coughed. He showed Leila how to bath his face and to be careful of his mouth and right eye, both affected from the stroke. It was already past noon before he was able to meet Tom at their favorite Italian restaurant just below the hospital.

Tom leaned back and squinted up at the sky. "God, what a nice day. I think I might go to the beach. Care to join?"

Bill shook his head. "I promised to go back in at three to do last rounds with my dayshift nurse. She's got a new orientee and there are a few things I gotta go over with her. Plus Adam's dad is letting Leila go so he can stay the night and I want to update him myself."

"Jesus aren't you spending a bit too much time with this family? You always said that you never get personally involved with your patients."

Bill sighed and ran his fingers through his long, blonde locks. "I know. But these guys are so sweet. And it is Adam-" Bill clapped his hand over his mouth.

Tom laughed at his brother’s expression and took a sip of pinot. "We all know Adam Lambert is sick in the hospital, bro. There are no hippa cops here. Just say his name."

"Well I'm not supposed to say ANYONES name, celebrity or otherwise. But yes it IS Adam Lambert and yes he has had a massive stroke on stage. I know his Twitter is being blown up with updates that Tommy himself is posting. I made him promise not to mention our names."

Tom rolled his eyes and stared into the restaurant’s window. "Yeah well it's not that we are exactly famous."

Bill knew Tom was referring to his band that wasn't doing so hot on the charts at the moment. He finished his food and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Seriously, Tom. Do you want my opinion on that?"

Tom chuckled. "Like I have to ask."

Bill was known to throw his two cents in even when they weren't called for. He went on anyways. "I think you need to get out of there, man. Find someone who is looking for a guitarist. You're better than them man! You bust your ass and they do nothing but take advantage of you!"

"I know, I know. I'm thinking about it."

"Well stop thinking and just do it!"

Tom pointed his fork at his brother. "Listen little brother. It's easy for you to sit over there and speak like that. As soon as your German ass hit American soil, you enrolled at UCLA and got accepted right away into that nursing program because you had he hell of a grade point average history. Me? I found the first fucking band that would give me the time of day. I don’t have the "I CAN DO IT" attitude that you clearly possess!"

"Oh please Tom don't give me that. I know you wanna do music. So do I! But I also had to make a living and healthcare is what I already knew before we even fucking LEFT Germany! I didn't go on all of those emergency department rides, volunteer as a float aide, and then bust my ass as a nurse's assistant all those years for nothing. And I accompanied you on every gig you landed with that piece of shit band you put together over there."

Tom was draining his wine glass the whole time that Bill was going on and on. He set it down and threw up his hands. "What is your point Bill?"

"My POINT is you need to get out there. Advertise. Show people who you are and what you're made of!"

A sly smile spread across Tom's face and Bill knew he was in for a sarcastic remark. "What?"

"I believe I do my share of showing people what I am made of. I'm irresistable."

Bill rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean smart ass. Speaking of which, how's Tammy?"

Tom pulled his dreads back and behind his head and started rolling up his straw wrapper. "Tammy who?"

Bill grinned. "She left you, didn't she?"

"No, actually! I mean she left but not tile after I showed her he door."

Bill's brown eyes widened at this sudden new piece of information. He leaned forward in his chair. "What happened?"

Tom held the look on his face that said he didn't want to talk about it but Bill propped his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands. "Tomi?"

"Alright!" Tom answered. "She WAS sleeping with that freak from that freaky tattoo and piercing place. She finally broke down and told me when I found half the condoms gone at her place. I know we haven't been together THAT much and I confronted her. Adios, bitch. That's that."

Bill shook his head. "Tom you're a sex fanatic. You've been that way since you were like 14. What's going on?"

Tom shrugged. "Nothing. Hey you got like 20 minutes to get back there. Let’s say we grab a coffee to go and I'll walk you up."

"Actually I have a whole half hour left, brother. Now sit back down and tell me what's wrong. You can't fool me. Tell Me.”

Tom sighed and sat back down. He drummed his fingers on the table a few moments before he said. "It's me. I'm having issues, okay?"

Bill stared at him not saying a word until Tom spoke again, "In the sexual area okay? It's just...I'm not..."

"You're not getting it up are you?"

"Jesus Bill! Tell the whole god damned world! Put it on a billboard 'Tom Kaulitz is impotent!’ I mean fuck!"

"May I remind you, big brother. That YOU are the one raising your voice right now. Not me!" He reached over and placed his hand on his brothers. "I know what’s wrong, Tom. You just need to tell me."

Tom pulled his hand away. "Tell you what? I told you everything already!"

"Uh uh. No you haven't."

"What do you want me to say, huh?"

"I think you know."

"You're a mind reader now?"

Bill blew out his exasperation. He reached into his bag and pulled out a pack of Marlboro ultra-lights. He and his brother were trying to cut down and eventually quit. But this was a time that called for a cigarette. He passed one to his brother who accepted it gratefully. Tom leaned over for Bill to light it. They smoked in silence for a few minutes before Tom said, "Okay. You win."

Bill looked at his brother for a while before taking another puff on his cigarette. "I need you to say it."

"I can't."

Bill held his cigarette over his shoulder, crossed his slender legs, and sighed. "How did I tell you?"

"C'mon Bill!"

"Just say it. How did I tell you?"

Tom sighed. "You said, 'Tom I'm gay.'"

Bill grinned and nodded. "That's right. And you hugged me, told me you were there for me, and that was it. Now you know I'll be there. I always have been and I always will. So you can trust me Tom. Just say it."

Tom made Bill wait until he finished his cigarette. He tapped it against the ash tray, took another puff, ground it out, and then folded his arms behind his head. Grinning he said, "Bill I'm gay."

Bill jumped up and hugged his brother. "I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you Tom. Oh I promised someone I would give this to you."   
He handed Tom Tommy Joe's number.

Tom patted his brother back and gently pushed him away, "Alright don't get mushy on me. C'mon we gotta get you back to work."

Bill picked up his bag. He felt light as a feather. His brother had finally come out to him and he was so happy he could scream. They walked side by side making plans to meet back at the house and then go to their favorite club for a night out on the town. Bill waved goodbye to his brother as he used his name tap to buzz himself inside the doors. Now it was game time. He put on his nurse face and made his way to the elevators that would take him to ICU.


End file.
